This week culinary genius and all-round good eggplant Flan Tuckstipple talks rubber and loveliness as he tells it Like It Is.

Not all kidneys are kidney-shaped.
I learned that on a communal learnative retreat in Thailand last year.

People aren't nicer to you if you walk with a pronounced limp.
Although a missing limb helps.

MoWanc smoothies come in 3 sizes: adequate, ample and generously lavish.
Although the smallest ones are really just for pre-school children (and the poor).

I didn't actually eat sellotape at all until I was 23 years old.
And I never looked back - my butternut squash and sellotape lasagne has been on the menu ever since.

Flan Tuckstipple is proprietor of Dine Then Die in Hammersmith and has written several popular cheques.