My boyfriend is definitely the best ever; he even helped my mum through the menopause - I know!

I was immediately drawn to Mark by the way he instinctively hid my face from the passers-by who chanced upon us fucking in the alley outside the nightclub the night we met.  I knew then that he was special, which is probably just as well since he had to drive me to the doctor's to get the morning after pill a few hours later.

We had been going out for four months when my mum started to have her turns.  She gets hot flushes, mood swings and breast spasm, all the normal menopausal symptoms you would expect in a woman her age.  We were so lucky that Mark had already been through it all with his own mother some years before; he knew exactly what to do.  He gives her special massages designed to reduce the symptoms of menopause, including a special one for the breast and groin spasms which can strike at any time and are really painful; he has to wear rubber gloves for those.  He must really love me to do this for my mum - she thinks he's the best boyfriend I've ever had and so do I.  And not just because the rest of them had a tendency to beat and rape me and steal my money.

I just want to tell all those girls out there that there are some good men - look at what happened to me.  I mean, my Mark doesn't even mind if I spit rather than swallow once in a while, and he sometimes sits watching me, just staring with his mouth open and his fist clenched tightly around a rusty blade, for hours; I guess he can't bear to take his eyes off me.